4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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