Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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