i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I know her cup size but not her name....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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