hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
