drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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