Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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