I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize