Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
