At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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