I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
