You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize