I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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