Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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