let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
