just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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