"it" just moved
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you traded sex for a burrito?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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