no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize