i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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