I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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