There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Randomize
