I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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