so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
