ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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