Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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