So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
