I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
