I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
