I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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