I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
