my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
