I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
