yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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