I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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