Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
