Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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