I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
