I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
