you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
