He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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