can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
