I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
