theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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