The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
