AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
