ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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