I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Porn is love you can see.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
