Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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