It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
