thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
