theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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