The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
