If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
