I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize