it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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