I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
