I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
