so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
