My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize