you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
