I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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