I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize