Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
