So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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