I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
