Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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