Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
