maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
