just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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