I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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