I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
