honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
