weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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