Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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