Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
