just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
