dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Life without a bra equals bliss.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
