I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
