i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
