worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
