I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
