Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
