he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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