made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
