you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
